prayer – Terri LaBonte- Reinventing Myself in Retirement

Pilgriming

Often, during Lent, I embark on some sort of project that tends to focus me outward- some sort of special observance that involves service to others. Some of my times of greatest spiritual growth and satisfaction generated from those projects. Last year, I shared that God led me down a path of intensely personal, painful, and healing observance. I called it the Lentiest Lent That Ever Did Lent.

This year, I’ve combined the two perspectives.

I am bombarding Heaven with a continuous prayer for a specific family I know in Pennsylvania that has a specific need. Each day, often several times a day, I send prayers to God, asking for hope, faith, love, comfort, peace, and strength for them. I also pray for a miracle of turned hearts so as to bring the family to a place of mutual support and collaboration for the benefit of them all- especially the little girl who is constrained by the circumstances around her. Every single time I pray, I add them to my petitions. I have pleaded with my whole community of friends and contacts to join me in prayer. We pray for them in church. My women’s group is praying for them. My Stephen Ministry cohort is praying for them. I’ve asked all my friends to keep them uplifted whenever they talk to God. Today, I ask you to pray for my Philadelphia fellowship.

Another big part of my Lenten observance this year has been visiting other churches. The idea of checking out other congregations to see how they invite, welcome, and connect visitors to their church family has been on my church’s Invite Committee to-do list for some time now. Additionally, I have been wrestling with some questions about whether or not God was calling me to stay with my current church. My experience with my current church has filled me with spiritual growth. I have found many opportunities to use the unique gifts God gave me to serve His people and give glory to His name. I passionately believe that my time in this congregation has been rewarding, nourishing, and fruitful.

I also passionately believe that God sometimes leads us down a specific path for a reason or a season, not necessarily for a lifetime. As a person who loves burrowing into a paradigm, especially when that paradigm includes interpersonal relationships, it is extremely difficult for me to even think about disentangling myself. However, the most important thing is not to root oneself in a specific congregation. The most important thing is to root oneself in serving God. If circumstances in my current church start to curtail if and how I can serve God in the way I feel He wants me to serve, maybe the season is changing for me.

I visited three different churches, with three diverse types of service. I tried to be as open as I could be about the experiences. As I emptied myself of preconceived thoughts about what those experiences might be like and what they might teach me, I made room to simply drink in what God had to show me in each place. I figured out that God had something specific to teach me in each new environment. It was a pretty amazing Lenten journey.

Over the next few weeks, I am going to share what I learned in each of my different worship experiences. I was talking to a friend the other day who exclaimed about what a personal God we serve. The journey I took was uniquely mine. It was God spending some dedicated quality time with a beloved child who needed a little extra attention and TLC. The process was not about the result. It was about the adventure. I realized that God was not suggesting that I move to a different congregation or denomination. He was simply suggesting that I needed to learn some specific things about myself and my relationship with Him that I could only learn by stepping out of the paradigm of my everyday world.

Has God ever taken you on your very own adventure with Him? What did you learn? Please share your perspective by leaving a comment. In the alternative, you can email me at terriretirement@gmail.com.

Have an elevated day!

Terri/Dorry 😊

A Mighty Fortress

I’m working through my second Lenten season after resolving to become a better pray-er last year. Please see my post http://www.terrilabonte.com/2020/05/i-say-a-little-prayer-for-you/ for additional background. Of course, I just published this piece, even though I wrote it almost a year ago. I get really nervous if I don’t have several weeks’ worth of blog posts in reserve. Perish the thought that I might have nothing ready to go some Wednesday morning! I would have to write something on the fly without proper planning and scheduling. The very possibility makes me nauseous. Sometimes my pre-recorded pieces get a little stale sitting on the shelf waiting for their moment, but I don’t think prayer ever gets stale. I don’t think there is anything wrong with two helpings of prayer in short succession. In fact, in these uncertain times, maybe two helpings of prayer are exactly what we need to keep us off the ledge.

I wanted to give you all an update on how my efforts to improve my prayer life were going. Last Lent, I began a Bible In One Year app project, which guided me towards dedicated Bible study and prayer each evening. After that experience, I served as the chaplain for our parish Episcopal Church Women group. My sole job in that capacity is to pray and lead other members toward prayer. I love it. I actually feel my soul expanding as I help channel our group’s powerhouse of prayer and search for creative, experiential, thoughtful ways to spur closer intimacy with God. I’ve been leading a small group in our Alpha program. This leads me to even deeper levels and stronger intensity of prayer. This past Lent, I chose a short passage of Scripture to capture and copy into my prayer journal each day. This helped me feel more confident and more grounded in my prayer.

I’ve learned a number of lessons about prayer and the results of dedicating time to improved communication with God.

Sometimes, external things happen when I pray.

There have been several instances when my prayer seems to have resulted in at least a small shift in circumstances. Maybe I have not witnessed anything super dramatic yet (although I believe something extremely dramatic HAS happened and we just don’t know it yet.) Still, I see mini-miracles tied to my prayer all the time. In the challenges presented by the COVID-19 physical distancing protocols, I see wonderful things happening. In one example, my small Episcopal Church has not missed a single Sunday service. After the CDC recommended that no one gather in groups of 10 or more, we didn’t gather together in the church building. However, the very first week without physical community services, our rector and a team of wonderful, talented, Spirit-filled people figured out a way to organize, produce, and market a Sunday service on YouTube. This might not seem like a big deal to a lot of people. Our community, however, is not exactly modern. It is not on the cutting edge of technology. It was like going from 0 to 100 in electronic communication/distance learning in just a few days. I am sure that was only achievable by hard working faith-filled, prayerful people. Another example is the way neighbors and community members are looking out for each other. I know there is hoarding and the grocery store shelves are pretty pitiful. At the same time, though, people are calling each other to check in on people who might be feeling isolated, running errands for those who are more at risk, being creative in constructing a way to help the world feel “normal,” and finding ways to ease the economic cataclysm that the lockdowns will cause for the most vulnerable among us.

I know there are many secular organizations and many non-Christians who are also working to do these things. I do think there is a difference with prayer, though. While we are all temporarily stopped from the busy-ness of our lives, some of us are spending more time in prayer and remembering our faith. In some ways, I see us coming closer together rather than further apart, as we deliberately and mindfully find ways to protect our relationships and spiritual journeys from isolation. Normally, when people are “stuck” inside their homes for a few days because of something like an oncoming hurricane, there is an overall atmosphere of resentment and dread. This time, there is almost a feeling of empowerment and joy within my circle of praying friends. It feels good for us to mobilize to deal with this challenge. It feels good to support efforts to remain connected. It feels good for us to remember who God calls us to be.

Sometimes, the changes I see are less tangible. I pray frequently for the guests in our church’s Alpha group. I have seen that prayer lighten their hearts, as God has brought them closer to His love. Of course, God could do that without my help. Jesus is the one that draws these folks to Him, not me. I think it is awesome and exciting that God gives me the opportunity to participate in the process, through prayer and agape.

Sometimes, prayer doesn’t change anything… except me.

During the past year, I’ve changed so much. My service, confidence, thoughtfulness, creativity, emotional and intellectual intelligence, relationship-building skills, and love have increased exponentially. My natural talents and strengths are expanding. I am forgiving myself more readily for my weaknesses and failures, secure that God has already done so. I often pray in thanksgiving for the paths where God chooses to lead me and the lessons he is teaching me. I am absolutely convinced that the point of life is to grow into the person God wants each of us to be. I feel like that is happening to me more now than at any time in my life. It may seem strange that this is happening as I enter my golden years rather than in my youth or middle age, but I guess everyone has his or her own script.

I think the reason I have been able to blossom, especially in the last year, is directly related to the increase in quantity and quality of my prayer life. I feel like my prayer life is a mighty fortress that God and I have built together. It protects me and allows me to live as genuinely and authentically as I can. Within the walls of this fortress, I can grow the garden of my life and build my serving ministry without fear. It is a godly kind of fortress. It doesn’t keep anyone out; it just protects what is inside it. The walls are permeable to anyone of good intent.

All in all, the most important thing I have learned is just this: Prayer works. It may not work the way you think it will, but it works!

Has your spiritual life changed during the COVID-19 pandemic? In what way? Please share your perspective by leaving a comment. In the alternative, you can email me at terriretirement@gmail.com.

Have a prayerful day!

Terri/Dorry 😊

I Say A Little Prayer For You

Those of you who have been reading www.terrilabonte.com for a while know that I have reinvented my religious life in the past few years. I won’t go into the whole story again, but, for those of you who want a refresher, you can review: http://www.terrilabonte.com/2017/01/a-crisis-of-church/ and http://www.terrilabonte.com/2018/01/grace-on-robinson-street/

I could say that my change in denominations started a revamping of my spiritual development, but I am sure there was more to it than that. In retirement, I have had the time and energy to look at many of aspects of my life. Also, traveling the end-of-life journey with my mother caused me to start examining how I could live my most satisfying, congruent life. I’ve always been introspective about most things. My spirituality has certainly been no exception. In the past few years, I think I’ve been maturing that spirituality. I’ve thought and prayed about how to deepen my faith and how to express it. I don’t know if I would say that I am now walking a different path exactly, but I am walking the path differently.

One aspect of walking differently has been the matter of Bible study, spiritual reading, and prayer. In fact, a little over a year ago, I mentioned in my Alpha small group that I was interested in trying to improve my prayer life as a Lenten observance. I wanted to be a better pray-er. One of the other members of my discussion group kindly decided to help me in that endeavor by recommending me to be the chaplain for our parish ladies’ organization. Practice makes perfect, I guess.

Something I read said that prayer boils down to only four words to God. These four words are please, thanks, sorry, and wow. In other words, effective prayer petitions the Lord, thanks the Lord for all His blessings, asks forgiveness of God for our sins and weaknesses, and praises God simply for being God. I find this idea comforting. It helps, when I think of the enormity of God and the puniness of my little soul, to have a bit of a framework to know where to begin with prayer.

At any rate, I have been working on increasing the depth and breadth of my prayer. It has been a rich, satisfying experience. When I pray for people, I believe it helps them. I know it helps me.

I’ve decided that it is time that I shared some of that payer with you. I pray for you all frequently, grateful for the blessings that you have brought to my life. Let’s pray together this week.

Precious Lord,

Please bless the readers of my blog. Help me to create content that will entertain and provoke introspection. Help my readers to know that You are in control and have a plan for each of us. Help me to write truth and to touch people’s lives. Help me encourage others as I have been encouraged by Your love and the love of Your people. Please provide us all with peace, hope, love, and joy. Please protect my readers as they journey through life. Guard their bodies, soothe their souls, and soar their spirits. May they know Your never-ending, all powerful love. May they find happiness, health, and satisfaction in their lives… every day, in every way.

Thank you for the immensity of Your blessings on us. Thank you for the light and for the dark of life. Thank you for the richness and wisdom You provide. Thank you for the joy only You can bring to our hearts. Thank you for the path You have provided for me in my life and for the wonderful opportunity to write this blog. Thank you for the wonderful people who read what I post. Thank you for the encouraging support I receive from all my blog buddies and for the thoughtful comments readers provide.

I’m sorry for the times when I have been weak or scared and failed to use opportunities to spread Your love. With Your help, I will strive to constantly get closer to You and lift people to Your light.

God, You are the King of the Universe. You are in control of everything that happens. My job is simply to try to discern where you want me to go and follow You there. I trust in Your power to guide me as I work my way through this life. I know You bless even my weakest, poorest effort so that it contributes to the good of Your people and the glory of Your name. I am humbled by Your majesty and the fact that You love me as if there were only one of me.

I pray in Jesus’ name….

Amen

God bless you all! If anyone feels inclined to pray for me, I would be grateful. If anyone has any specific prayer requests that they would like to share, perhaps we can multiply the power of prayer. Please share your perspective by leaving a comment. In the alternative, you can email me at terriretirement@gmail.com.

PS: Remember…. my new book, RANDOM (A)MUSINGS by Dorry Curran, launches next Tuesday (6/2/20) in paperback and kindle editions on Amazon!

Psychedelic Prayer

I’ve noticed something odd recently. Since my mother has settled into the nursing facility and she has begun exploring the shadow world inside her head that I cannot quite fathom, I feel different. I’m not sure what words to use to describe the difference. The feeling isn’t happier or more positive or more resigned exactly. Maybe the better description would be a feeling of “surrender” or “being reconciled” or “contented.” Whatever it is, it sure beats the constant agitation and relentless heartbreak that have accompanied me since my mom’s stroke.

Maybe the change is just because I find myself smack in the middle of the worst possible outcome that I dreaded for months and the result is not as bad as I feared. The world continues to revolve around the sun and my mom actually seems pretty cheerful.

Maybe it is prayer.

I attended a workshop on prayer the other day. The leader asked us what factors we thought led to the most effective prayer. I thought for a nanosecond and realized that the memorable common factor in all my most fervent prayer is confusion. It seems that I pray most effectively when I come to prayer in a state of disorientation and dismay. I’m not sure why that is. Maybe it is because I am most genuine in my discombobulation.

Too often, I think I come to prayer with a solid, well-defined vision of the desired outcome for which I am praying. I say I am praying to find God’s will and to have the strength to accept His plan. I think my head even tries to believe that. Still, in my heart of hearts, I think I am usually praying for things to turn out the way I want them. It isn’t necessarily that I am being demanding or selfish. It isn’t even that I am praying for an outcome that is easy or pain-free. I’m just scared. I’m scared of what God’s unknown is for me. I’m scared that I don’t have the necessary faith and virtue to travel His path rather than the path I can envision for myself.

hroughout my mother’s illness, I have wrestled with confusion, grief, and fear almost all the time. Originally, I had the sense that God was exposing me to these emotions to give me some small idea of the journey my mother has been navigating in order that I might be more empathetic. Now, on a deeper level, I also have the idea that He is trying to train me, as I’ve walked this path with my mother. He may be trying to teach me to truly understand that all that control and organization and planning that I so love is not where my strength lies. In fact, I believe He is showing me that there is actually grace in letting go of it.

They do say that whatever doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. The thing is- I never wanted to be so freakin’ strong. Apparently, God does and He is using my mother’s illness to build that strength. I am afraid I cannot say that I am wholeheartedly grateful. However, I know that God has unfailing patience with me. Maybe I’ll get to that gratitude place someday. In the meantime, I think my confusion-born prayer is at least helping me find a little more confidence that I’ll be able to manage God’s unknown for me, with His help.

As I thought through my ideas on confusion-based prayer, other people in the class were talking about what helps them pray. Most of the other students seemed to concentrate their responses on strategies or “tethers” to help them focus and shut out distractions in order to pray most effectively. All the discussion about focus made me wonder about my experience of finding confusion to be the sweetest starting point for prayer. Maybe we do need to be “tethered” to pray most effectively. Maybe, though, it is sometimes best to allow God to do the tethering rather than me hitching myself to a rather wobbly post. Maybe, sometimes, the confusion is actually God’s call and the distractions are the ingredients for prayer.

A number of students also mentioned external items that help them connect to God and His majesty. Some people mentioned rosary beads, icons, stained glass, statues, etc. I understand that perspective and even share it. After all, I come from a Roman Catholic tradition. I own and use a rosary. Liturgical prayer sings to my soul. I have worshiped in the ancient churches in Europe, marveling at the prayerfulness of artistic renderings. When I loosened my grip on Roman Catholicism, I turned towards the Episcopal Church. I’ve learned that Episcopalians express their unity as a denomination in their unity of worship. After all, we base our worship on the Book of Common Prayer. There is little that is more focused, orderly, and tethering than praying in a common, liturgical way. I rejoice in that unity.

Still, there is room and, perhaps, necessity in Christian life for a more individual kind of prayer. That is the kind of prayer that I find often comes from my confusion. It is a psychedelic kind of prayer. It is colorful, explosive, and implosive. It is often disorganized and chaotic. It moves and pulses and morphs. It can start out as one thing but end up as something completely different. It is uncontrollable- breaking free of the form I gave it and rearranging itself into what it needs to be. It can be so odd and so weird and so disorderly that it makes no sense. At least, it makes no sense to anyone but God. And maybe, with the grace that comes from letting go, the psychedelic prayer will one day make sense to me.

What do you think? Does prayer ever seem to be born of confusion for you? Please share your perspective by leaving a comment. In the alternative, you can send me an email at terriretirement@gmail.com.

Have a blessed day!

Terri 🙂