Is there something you really wanted that you didn’t get for Christmas? I think I know why.
The world is weird. At times, I think my particular parcel of the world is weirder than most. Some may say that I perceive more peculiarity than is good for me simply because, since retirement, I have more time to notice the weirdness around me. I don’t think that is it. Even before I retired, people would often remark that I seemed to be a “weird magnet.” If I had a dollar for every time someone said to me, “it could only happen to you,” I’d have been able to retire before I ever had a job.
Let me describe the recent weirdness in my world that may explain why that special something, whatsit, or gizmo did not make it under your Christmas tree this year.
In my development, Christmas decorating is a big deal. Wonderful volunteers festoon the whole community with beautiful, brilliant, bedazzled ornamentation. Many individual residents also decorate their houses with light displays, inflatable characters, nativities, and other festive touches. I am very grateful for the people who do all that because I love to see it. My idea of outdoor decoration is to stick a few outsized plastic ornaments on the tree next to the garage door and haul out my three-foot plastic polar bear holding the solar lantern. A good woman has got to know her limitations. Max and I always go driving around the community on Christmas Eve to enjoy my more energetic neighbors’ handiwork. This year, we noticed a house decorated with two-dimensional Christmas icons made of strings of lights. There was also a cut-out of a red sleigh, roughly the size of a Honda Civic, which was also outlined in lights. I understood the significance of the sleigh. I also understood the significance of the reindeer, geese, and gift-wrapped present figures. What was a little more puzzling to me was the traditional Christmas…wait for it….alligator?
Yes, there was an alligator made of green lights decking the halls of this house, right next to the sleigh and reindeer and geese and presents. Since the house backed up on a pond, I suppose it made sense. Still, when we noticed this somewhat bizarre Christmas visitor on our Christmas Eve decoration drive, I couldn’t help but think it would have been nice to put a little Santa hat on him or something. We got home that evening, chuckling about the weird Florida Christmas. What would be next? Eight tiny geckos? An early bird in a palm tree?
I shouldn’t have been so flippant.
A couple of evenings later, we were coming home from dinner and noticed the alligator house. I gasped in horror. THE ALLIGATOR WAS IN THE SLEIGH!!!! The implications of this phenomenon were too gruesome to imagine. Unfortunately, imagine them I did. I couldn’t get the picture of the alligator picking his teeth out of my head. What’s worse is that I think I heard that alligator belch to the tune of “Santa Claus Is Coming To Town.”
Last night, the alligator was no longer in the sleigh. He was back at ground level but appeared to be engaged in a stand-off with one of the Christmas geese figures. Given that no one has seen Santa Claus lately, my money is on the alligator. I think that goose is cooked.
Here’s hoping your new year will be a lot happier than that of this goose! What are your wishes for 2020? Please share your perspective by leaving a comment. In the alternative, you can email me at email@example.com.
Happy New Year!