Trapped Inside My Own Mind

The other day, I left the house exclaiming, “I hate this house.  I just want to sell it and move.”

After the saga of the sod and related lawn issues, the demise of the clothes washer, and the snake incident which also prompted spending a lot of money getting the garage door refurbished and rebalanced, I was about at the end of my tether.  I was on my way out to go pick up a prescription and eat a well-deserved bagel.  I pushed my garage door opener button to close the garage as I pulled out of the driveway and the garage door started to do the hokey-pokey.  It was spontaneously closing partway and then reopening, over and over again.  In retrospect, it may have been user error.  Perhaps my blood sugar was low or my finger was just stuttering.  At any rate, I was done in by this garage door malfunction.  I yelled for Max and he was not able to get the door to work properly either.  There was either something wrong with the door opener or I had just given it a case of terminal confusion with my manic button-pushing. This was early afternoon on Friday. I called the garage door company, thinking they could maybe give us a hint of what to do, since they had just been out THE DAY BEFORE to finish the $1500 refurbishing job to protect us from garter snakes.  The “assistor” told me he could not give me any advice and scheduled a technician to come out on Monday morning…. Approximately 70 hours later. 

I explained that I was not happy about it, but would certainly like to see the technician as early as possible on Monday.  I also left pretty explicit feedback when I received the rather ill-timed email asking me to take a customer satisfaction survey immediately after I hung up with my oh-so-unassisting assistor. 

We closed the garage door manually to prevent unwanted reptilian callers (or should I say “crawlers?”)  Max could tell I was getting unhinged, so he sent me off to get my drugs and bagel.  As I left, in my moment of despair and defeat, I exclaimed, “I hate this house.  I just want to sell it and move.”

To be clear, I don’t really hate my house.  In fact, I love my little house and I quite enjoy living in it.  So, what prompted this temper tantrum?

I think the problem is really that the past year has been filled with so much change, both positive and negative, that the cumulative stress has been building up inside me, whispering, “Feeling this discombobulated can’t be good…. Moving was a huge mistake.”  Verbalizing the sentiment was actually a relief.

The concept has been lurking around in my brain for a few months now, but I have been pushing the whisper away whenever it got too close to the top of my brain. I was terrified that, if I allowed myself to entertain the notion that moving was a mistake, I would have to do something about it.  Now that I had actually uttered the words, “I just want to sell it and move,” the cat was out of the bag.  When nothing tragic happened when I said the words, it somehow felt safer to let myself analyze the possibility of changing course.

As I munched my bagel, I felt the carbohydrates surge through my bloodstream.  I began researching costs for buying a condo in a smaller town in my old state or in another town in the new state.  I also researched renting.  No matter how I looked at it, the economics of moving were horrible.  Even considering all the unexpected money I was spending, moving would be a bad financial decision.  At the conclusion of my analysis, I muttered, “great, I’m trapped.” 

Then, another thought struck me.  Maybe the research wasn’t telling me that I was trapped in a bad decision.  Maybe it was actually supporting the fact that the initial move across country was a good financial decision.  Maybe if I felt trapped, I was simply trapped inside my own mind.  Yes, my new living situation has not been perfect. I do miss elements of my old home.  My psyche is fairly scrambled by the amount of stress and change I’ve experienced in the last year.   That’s all okay, though. It doesn’t mean that the decision to move was a mistake.  I did not expect all the costs and annoyances associated with my new home, but that is pretty typical of new homeowners.  Also, I have been able to afford them and my financial situation is still much better than if I had remained in my old state.  As to the other elements of my old home that I miss, distance does lend some enchantment to the view.  There are things I miss, but there were also things I hated that I just don’t think about any more. Planes do fly both east and west.  I can take one of those planes west to see the friends I miss and eat a decent pizza.   As to my scrambled psyche, maybe I just need to cut myself some slack and acknowledge that it needs some tender loving care.

When I arrived back home, Max was triumphant.  He had the garage door working.  I was skeptical, but everything operated properly throughout the whole weekend.  When the technician called on Sunday night, I explained what happened and we agreed he did not need to come out the next day. 

Things won’t be perfect, no matter where you live, but you can usually create a pretty happy life.  Especially if you maintain some perspective, let the people who love you help overcome the challenges, and eat a bagel now and again. 

So what do you think?  Have you ever struggled with whether a decision you made was the right choice?  Please share your perspective by leaving a comment.  In the alternative, you can email me at

Have a great day!

Terri 🙂


9 thoughts on “Trapped Inside My Own Mind”

  1. How interesting to read this. I did a big move to CO after retirement and drove with my son and family from CA to CO. I had to wait in a rental for 9 months in CO while my realtor sold my home in CA. In those 9 months I used up most of my savings and wondered if I should move back into my place in CA. it does make one think about what a person should have done. Now I know I should have stayed in CA until I sold my condo, then move. Oh well, I did sell finally and with the money bought a nice condo here in CO. Also we had a 29 inch snow fall just after selling, and the movers could not get into the area to deliver my furniture. That is another saga. We learn lessons, but now I am happy here, except for the snow!

    1. Wow, Lois. Sounds like your move was quite an adventure…. And not in a good way! I’m so glad your story has a happy ending. Isn’t that the great thing about life- when things seem bleak, there is always a reasonably good chance for improvement as time unfurls.Good for you for persevering!
      Terri 🤗

  2. Oh my…. we are looking for our next house. While not moving across state lines, I want to “resize” – bigger kitchen, less bedrooms. I need to watch for the “buyer’s remorse” state of mind I am sure.

    Of course, I tend to have mind melt downs when I am hungry (the hangries – yup, that’s me!) – and hubby knows this…so he will tell me to get something to eat when I’m there. Happened yesterday… I was tired and hungry after a shopping trip, I dropped the shopping bag with the new glass casserole in it… yup, shattered the bowl. Screaming resulted…. mine. He said – we obviously don’t need a new casserole dish – chill out, get something to eat, it’s OK. Yeah, I married a keeper.

    1. Welcome to the conversation, Pat! Thank you for the comment.
      I’d say you did, indeed, marry a keeper!
      As for buyer’s remorse, I think there is no way to avoid it all together. I bet if you just hang on and ride out the wave, though, you’ll end up in a happy place. Good luck with the move. Please keep reading. I post every Wednesday.😊

  3. Well, I wouldn’t mind selling our big house & yard and moving into a much smaller space that requires less upkeep. But my husband loves where we live (actually, I do too) and won’t hear of it. So here we stay! I’d rather spend more time doing things and less time maintaining a property, and can identify with the frustration of “Oh let’s just sell this durn place and be done with it.” Usually that hits me right between the eyes whenever we have a big repair bill. But then unless we become renters again, we’ll still be maintaining some piece of property. And this house is paid for. So all-in-all we’re probably coming out fine and I should just go eat a bagel.

  4. I could sell our house in a New York minute, but my husband loves where we live and wants to stay put. So here we stay! Actually, I love where we live too, but would be willing to give it up for a smaller place on a smaller lot that needed less upkeep. It’s generally when a big repair bill hits that I feel like saying, “Oh durn it – let’s just sell this thing.” Now that I know to go eat a bagel instead, I think I’ll be fine.

    1. Welcome, Kathleen, and thank you for the comment.
      Yes, I firmly believe that there are few situations in life that are not improved by a good bagel!😋
      Please keep reading. I post new content every Wednesday morning.

  5. Hi Terri! I usually freak out if I’m tired. We recently had our bathroom renovated and I thought that I was going to lose my mind. Our three week job turned into a six week job. Bathing at the Y became the highlight of our lives because our home was a noisy dustbowl. Many times I lamented agreeing to use the horrible contractor we ended up with but in the end we did finally get a pretty awesome bathroom. So cheer up, we all second guess ourselves all the time, especially when it is a huge, costly decision. But somehow we always come through alright!

    1. Welcome to the conversation, Randy! Thanks for the comment. Showering at the Y! What an adventure. I’m glad your bathroom ended up being nice once you got past the madness. A friend of mine says it is a good idea to HALT when you get too Hungry, too Angry, too Lonely, or too Tired. Good advice, but sometimes it is hard to perceive the “too” when you are in the moment! 😉

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