Welcome To My Pity Party

I am well and truly sick of the coronavirus.  I have resisted succumbing for many months, but I now suffer from a severe case of covid fatigue.  A couple of days ago, I was feeling especially restless and frustrated.  I made the mistake of googling “will the coronavirus ever end?” If you are struggling to keep your head above the cooties, I do not recommend googling this question.  The articles that estimated the duration of the pandemic uniformly suggested that we will not hear the end of the virus until the third or fourth quarter of 2021.  In other words… ANOTHER WHOLE YEAR!!!

I have been depressed ever since I read this prediction.  I do not know if I can handle another year of this half-assed version of normal the world is simulating.

  • I am sick of breathing through a mask.
  • I am sick of muffled communication.  It is so difficult to hear people and to speak intelligibly through a mask, it often seems easier to just not talk at all.
  • I am sick of having bad hair days every day.  The mask is 2020’s version of a hat… once you put one on, you had better keep it on because removing a mask that has been plastered to your head leaves your hair flattened and bent at all kinds of unnatural and unflattering angles .
  • I am sick of events being cancelled… the butterfly release at my church, my trip to New York, the Candlelight Processional at Epcot, the Mickey’s Very Merry Christmas Party at the Magic Kingdom, the Royal Canin dog show spectator activities, and the list goes on.
  • I am sick of not hugging people.
  • I am sick of looking for logical consistency in circumstances that are not conducive to logical consistency.
  • I am sick of constantly having to rethink routines and old ways of accomplishing things.
  • I am sick of feeling like everyone I love is so far away from me.  I feel isolated from even those who are nearby.
  • I am sick of researching coronavirus statistics in search of definitive good news and trying to be satisfied with small, sporadic victories.

This is just a partial list of things I am sick of.  (Yes, I know that you should not end a sentence with a preposition, but I am too sick and tired to care!) Truthfully, the list is endless.  Just as I think I have reconciled myself to one kick in the gut, something I never even thought about rises to the surface of my reality.

I think I have always been a grateful person and I think that I still am, even in the midst of corona crazy.  I know how blessed I am in every way.  I know that God uses even the worst situation to build and create wonderful results, so I trust that this time of challenge will yield some positive outcomes. I have been stalwart in trying to keep people engaged and connected.  Every time a challenge has presented itself, I have endeavored to be part of the solution instead of just whining about the problem. 

Now, however, I seem to be a bit stuck in the slog.  I do not seem to be able to get myself out of it.  I desperately want a break from challenge, but I have not been able to find a place to really accomplish that.

I may have found an answer last Sunday at worship service.  As I listened to the readings, one particular passage, Philippians 4:7-9, punched me in the soul.  It says:

“And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.”

During the sermon, the rector talked about how difficult and antagonistic the world can be.  He suggested that there is no real place in which to take a break from challenge in this world.  However, in allowing my mind to focus on whatever is pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, or praiseworthy rather than the anxieties and difficulties of the world, the God of peace will be with me.  I do not think God wants me to avoid challenges at this difficult time. I think His will for me is to meet those challenges with an approach that is pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and praiseworthy.  In that way, I can give glory to His name, benefit His people, and grow my own relationship with Him.  I must not only remember all I have learned of God and focus on sacred excellence.  I must also put it into practice.

So, I am still sick and tired of the aspects of the world that are not pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, or praiseworthy.  I do not understand the way the world is turning just now.  I do not understand why things cannot go back to normal.  I cannot understand why everything must be so hard.  However, Philippians 4:7-9 tells me that I do not need to understand because the peace of God is much more powerful than understanding.  Perhaps the answer to my “sick and tired of being sick and tired” tirade is to dump the anxiety and exhaustion of the world and let God carry it alone for a little bit while I focus on the pure and lovely!

What do you do when you get sick and tired of covid challenges?  Please share your perspective by leaving a comment.  In the alternative,  you can email me at terriretirement@gmail.com.

Have a pure and lovely day!

Terri/Dorry 😊

6 thoughts on “Welcome To My Pity Party”

  1. Well, does it ever really help to know that misery loves company? If so, you can rest assured that we’re all feeling the same way I, too am sick of coronavirus and all the other nasty stuff that’s going on in the world these days. I try not to talk about or show my despair to anyone outside my house, but I have had many days lately when I’ve felt like giving up, felt completely hopeless. In the past, I’ve been able to rely on my faith to carry me through even the most difficult days. But lately, I’m feeling a distance from God that makes all of the worldly problems seem even worse. My faith has been tested before, and I’ve always found my way back, but right now I am struggling like never before. Part of this may be the actual absence of physically going to church, which I struggle with every day. But I have to respect the concerns of my family, who are not ready to be inside a crowded building. I pray every day and still go to “virtual” mass, but I feel like my prayers aren’t being heard, like my line of communication with God is broken. I’m hanging on by a thread. But the thread is at least strong enough to get me up, dressed and moving forward each day, even if it’s just an inch. I hear your struggle and I share your despair. We’re in this together- for the long haul unfortunately. Thanks for giving me a place to unload this.

    1. I don’t know if knowing other people are struggling makes things easier, but I do know it sometimes makes things easier to voice the feelings. I think it sometimes decreases the power of the feelings to torpedo us to acknowledge them and share them. I hope it helped to lay your struggle out there. I’ll pray for your thread- that it strengthens and supports you.

  2. Like Kathy says, you’re not alone. I hear a lot about being in the same boat. I beg to differ. We’re in the same “pandemic” waters but the boats look different. Some are yachts and some are rickety rafts; some are drowning ’cause there is no boat. Just ask anyone who has lost employment, housing, health/life. And therein lies one of my coping mechanisms – focus on the things I feel grateful about and contribute in some way to those less fortunate, i.e. contributions to the food banks. And like Jon Bon Jovi says, when you can’t do what you do, do what you can. At the start of the pandemic there was a challenge to identify the “new normal”. I focused on those things that were just plain normal, i.e. daily routine, need for exercise and healthy diet, home maintenance. It’s necessary for me to not blame all my angst on the pandemic. Like Phil in Groundhog Day, I need an attitude adjustment periodically. When you’re tired, take a rest and indulge in some self care. And then I surrender and trust that this, too, shall pass.

    1. What great advice, Mona. It is so helpful to focus out if ourselves and onto how we can help others. It makes a huge difference in coping!

  3. My brother died of the coronavirus. He was just cured of bladder cancer and had to see a specialist in NYC. Being a retired doctor himself, my brother thought he had taken all the proper and necessary precautions. He didn’t. His death was fast and quick. None of us ever saw him again or spoke to him. He died, alone, within weeks of infection. His two sons used to call the nurses and beg them to just place a phone by his head so they could at least hear him breathing. His body was cremated. His wife, 2 sons and 4 grandchildren, as well as my sister and I, never saw him again.
    My brother was 76 years old.
    This Thanksgiving we will never see or hear his voice. He was the patriarch of the family.
    This Christmas we will never see him or hear his voice or open a present he was kind enough to buy us and think of us.
    His birthday was June 21st. I always remembered my brother’s birthday because it was the same date as the first day of summer. There will be many more summers coming but my brother will never know them or feel them.
    You don’t like how the coronavirus is going on in the world?
    You can always choose the path my brother unfortunately traveled.
    When they did the contact review, they narrowed it down that a simple stop my brother took, inside a cafe, for a cup of coffee and a croissant cost him his life.
    Have a nice day ladies.
    At least you get to have that day.
    My brother won’t.

    1. I’m so sorry for your loss, Cyndi, and for the years that you and your brother will not have together. There is no way this cruelty can ever seem sensual in this life. I pray for comfort and peace for your family- that God may grant you health in body, mind, and soul. May the God who loves all of us as if there is only one of us soothe your sorrowing spirit.

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