Have you missed me? January is always a bit hard for me. This year, I feel like I’ve been in a period of incubation, percolating the next chapter of my journey. .
I think I walked right into a long maelstrom of spiritual exploration and growth after my mother died. I flirted with it some before then, but that transition in my life pushed me firmly onto the path. That was in 2018. I feel like it has not let up much in the past six plus years. God has led me through a windy, thundering storm. I have felt the lightning bolts. The storm has thrown me off the road at times. The emotional weather has exhausted and bewildered me. Much of the experience was unpleasant, but also immensely satisfying. The storm has stripped away layers of debris and watered the seeds of what is good within me.
In the tumult of the last several years, I thought I was making good progress in my spiritual life. I thought I knew who I was. I thought I knew how to live in the world with some degree of emotional safety. I thought I knew where God was leading me. I thought I had a strategy for accomplishing the goals I envisioned. I thought I was filling needs around the church. The thing is, there are an awful lot of “Is” in this paragraph. As well-intended as I was and as much reflection as I did, I still had a hard time letting God set the agenda and plan the strategy. Somehow, I thought He was relying on me to do all that. I certainly did not want to let Him down!
Lately, I have been concentrating on listening for God and assuming He will direct me rather than fretting over figuring out what He wants me to do. That means trusting that He has given me and will continue to give me whatever I need in the way of directions and tools to do what He wants me to do. I do not always get it right. I often end up having to intentionally stop my brain from thrashing around spastically to redirect myself. I say I must stop myself mid-mindspin. It requires me to exercise considerable spiritual discipline to simply keep trying. I think I can say that it is now a habit to be intentional about letting God take the reins. I may not fulfill my intentions all the time, but at least I have them.
A friend of mine who is studying for ordination into the priesthood just delivered a thought-provoking sermon on 1 Corinthians 12:12-31. This lovely bit of Scripture compares the parts of the body with various spiritual gifts contributed by different Christians. She ended her sermon challenging the congregation to think and pray about what gifts we had to contribute to the body of Christ. She asked, “What part of Christ’s body are you?”
I take these things to heart. I spent some time on Sunday afternoon thinking about it. It struck me that, at this time last year, I was feeling a bit like I was the tonsils. I was catching all the infection and bacteria. I was feeling decayed and inflamed. There were a few experiences that functioned as a kind of antibiotic, removing the bacteria du jour in the moment. Still, the spiritual step throat kept recurring. Sometime over the year, God finally decided to remove the tonsils and get rid of that infection more permanently. It was a great feeling to be healed of this burden.
On the other hand, I was left without a purpose. This week I found I needed to rethink my friend’s sermon challenge, “What part of Christ’s body are you?” I am afraid that I might be the appendix.
I texted my friend and shared with her that I thought I might be the appendix. She vehemently disagreed. She said she saw me as being the heart. I hope she is right. But even if she is not, I think God can do something wonderful- even through an appendix!
What part of Christ’s body are you? Please share your perspective by leaving a comment. In the alternative, you can email me at terriretirement@gmail.com.
Have a blessed day!
Terri/Dorry 😊